You just wouldn’t understand. He probably wouldn’t understand this either. He’s always sad, always depressed, always just the same or worse than before. I fucking hate it. Can’t he see that I can’t stand to see him like that ? Can’t he see that not everything’s his fault ? He wouldn’t understand these feelings I have, because I don’t really think he has these feelings. Or maybe he does..
He’s the only one, the only one that I’ve tried so hard to understand, to help. Usually for any kind of situation like this, I would just let go of it once it starts getting hard. I’m not the type of girl to stick to something I say. I always end up not finishing what I started. But this time, I’m trying, I’m really trying and making an effort to help, to be there. I’m not sick of it, I don’t despise it. I just want one simple solution to it all, but life doesn’t give you that, does it ? Everything has to be so goddamn fucking complicated.
Tell me: How do you reason with someone who has their own reasons for every damn thing ? How do you help someone when you have no fucking idea of where to start ? What do you do when the main thing that’s pulling you down is his unhappiness ? How do you freaking rid yourself of those doubts in your head, repeating over and over again ?
Funny thing is some of the things he’s telling me now, I’ve been through something similar. Yet, I don’t know how to help him with it. Is it even possible to help someone when you can’t help yourself ?
That bet Stephanie made me, it wasn’t a real one or anything. But I can’t help but think how I might just win it. Maybe what he’s saying is just a front, or maybe it’s all true. I can’t know, and I won’t know. Not that I really care about that right now.
I’m not planning to give up, I refuse to give up in this. But the thought of it is so tempting. I mean, it’s not as if I’m helping him much anyways. I’m just a person there, to listen to his problems. I listen, but I can’t help. I never knew that someone’s happiness can be so hard to find..
Reminiscing 
Chen Said:
on July 5, 2009 at 7:09 am
i have read your post… i felt sad because I can relate to it.
how i wish I have the courage to says things what I felt….